More Booty Call Rules

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

10 Rules of the Booty Call:

The booty call couples the consistent coitus of a relationship with the no-strings-attached, comfortable-solo-sleeping of a one-night-stand.

If you've never been involved in a booty call relationship, it's worth trying out. Of course, it's easy to screw it up. One comment that accidentally shows some attachment or desire for a real date can INSTANTLY turn the other person off. Even the woman.

1) AVOID BRUNCH AT ALL COSTS

Brunch is the natural enemy of the booty call, like the mongoose to the snake or water to fire. UNDERSTAND: the booty call's got one purpose: Have relations. RECOGNIZE: Once you're done, you both need to get up, get dressed and get the hell out of there.

Booty calls can NOT, repeat CANNOT, turn into sleepovers. After one of those, there's only one place to go: Brunch. And that's a date. Which means: You're no longer involved in a booty call, you're dating.

2) DON'T SET A TIMETABLE

It's tempting, but you don't want to have your booty call scheduled for a regular night and time.- say, every Saturday night at 2:30 A.M.

Your hook ups need to stay uncomplicated, flexible and relaxed. If you get on a regular schedule, you might actually get BORED. If you both start working your Saturday nights around getting together late at night. At that point, you're treading in that dangerous almost-a-couple territory.

3) NO MEETING IN PUBLIC

You guys can't really spend time together in public. Part of having no strings attached means that you're not hanging out too much, or worse, developing a deeper bond.

NOTE: If you're out together too much, one of you might see the other one flirting with someone else and realize you can't deal with that. That means you'll have to call off the booty calling, because now, there's emotional baggage.

4) LOOK GOOD

Yes, the relations are basically guaranteed - and no, it's not a date - but you're still getting intimate with someone. You owe it to them to look and smell good. In a lot of ways, the booty call is about fulfilling a fantasy. Nothing ruins that like the other person showing up in tattered sweat pants or with a mysterious, foul body odor.

5) EXPECT NOTHING

Booty calls should only be made - and accepted - by people who want to get it on at that moment in time. So, if you call one Friday night and get the "I'm really tired" or "Not tonight" response, you shouldn't be upset. You're not allowed to expect anything of the other person.

ALSO: These sex-only arrangements almost always come to abrupt ends. So, if the other person stops calling you or accepting your calls don't take it personally. A no-strings-attached relationship is like a temp job; you have the opportunity to make a clean break, no questions asked, at any point. That's the part of the joy.

6) BE OPEN AND HONEST

What this means: Early on, you two need to establish that what you're doing is purely physical. If you do, that means no relationship talks later on.

(-Or, at least, if the other person brings up a relationship talk, you can end it by simply saying, "I thought we agreed this was just physical and that's all we were looking for.")

Once you guys reach the consensus that it's just a booty call, that will actually make things EASIER and more comfortable.

7) BE SAFE

It's 2006, protect yourself. There should be NO unprotected booty call relations.

If you do want to go unprotected, then you'll have to tell each other who else you're fornicating with - and that can lead to jealousy. PLUS, if the other person starts rattling off a long list, it will really kill the mood.

8) BE EXTREMELY GENEROUS

This is an unwritten rule...until now...but one you should abide by. Since you're both in it for sex, you both HAVE to do your best to give each other total fulfillment.

Don't just try to get yourself a climax. Make sure to take care of the other person too. Be extremely generous. That's the best way to keep the booty call alive for a long time. And you might as well...in a purely sexual relationship, you can do freakier stuff than you can do with someone you have to take home to your parents.

9) MIND YOUR TIMING

Make sure you both understand the time restrictions. Once blanket rule: No calls before 9:30 P.M. That's too early in the night; a booty call should basically be the last thing you do before you go to sleep. As for what time is too late...you'll need to feel that out. A good rule of thumb: Don't call more than an-hour-and-a-half after the bars in your city close. (-So, if most places close at 2:00 A.M., don't call later than 3:30 A.M.)

PS: Don't ever get upset if the other person doesn't pick up. They're allowed to be busy all night long.

10) FOLLOW ALL THE ABOVE RULES


from Yahoo 360 - Big T.'s blog

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more additions to the lists.

GETTIN IT:
Doin It // LL Cool J
Break You Off // The Roots
Hey Lover // LL Cool J
Addiction // Kanye West
Put It In Your Mouth // Akinyele
Go Deep // Janet
Smooth // D'Angelo
Wonderful // CunninLynguists
Slow Jamz // Kanye West
Play // David Banner
Sexy // Black Eyed Peas
Twisted // Keith Sweat
Lick // Joi

MIDNIGHT MIX:
Footsteps In the Dark // Isley Brothers
Rock the Boat // Aaliyah
Movin' Cool (The Afterparty) // OutKast
Protection // Massive Attack
Red Light Special // TLC
A Dream // Debarge
Brown Sugar // D'Angelo
The Velvet Rope // Janet
Love Song // 311
Again // Lenny Kravitz
One Evening // Feist
Smooth Operator // Sade
I Belong to You // Rome
Maybe // Johnny Gill
Instant Love // Leon Ware
Understanding // Xscape

I'm finding that the list will get pretty repetitive with the artists, so I'm going to start another list on the side that includes artists that make a lot of sex music. I'll start it:

D'Angelo
Prince
Feist
Sade
Lenny Kravitz
Barry Manilow
Al Green
Minnie Ripperton
Isley Brothers

ADD TO THE LIST Y'ALL!

Posted by AB at 9:08 PM  

2 comments:

so basically.. nothing before.. nothing after. and while in it, have manners.

no timetable? thats okay, im horrible at my timestables anyways. get it? times tables?! shut up, you know you're giggling like a school girl.

good stuff as always.. so are all the single people ready to get their booty call goin?

[marc]

marcjames said...
January 30, 2008 at 11:09 PM  

Marc are YOU getting your booty call goin?!

I'm not!........ yet!

Sheena said...
February 1, 2008 at 12:46 AM  

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